It is Tuesday night and we have been to two HopeKids events this week already.
Last night we got to go to the Stars game and tonight we attended a dinner for parents who have lost a child. It turned out to be just the perfect night with just the right company and conversation. It is no understatement that my faith has been rocked after Ellies passing, but moments like tonight remind me God is with us.
We saw a sweet young lady of just four years fight a battle with cancer for a few years. Our hearts are broken as she lost her life to cancer and her family is mourning. It is tough to see, and we know all too well the tough road ahead. We also know the road has lots of love and hope!!
This is a post from a few weeks ago, but wanted to share.
This past week has been busy, but as I reflect and am in the midst of it, I can’t help think that I am living in love..
As many of you know, one of my favorite verses is these 3 remain and that’s also the name of my blog. These 3 remain… Faith, hope and love.
As I fight depression consistently, while facing my fears and battling my faith, and hoping for forgiveness.
I hate that Ellie left us so soon and I hate that we had to watch her fight an ugly battle with cancer. I hate so many things about losing Ellie and I miss her more than words could ever describe. It hurt so much that I would probably say I’m avoiding feeling most emotions on a pretty regular basis.
Since Ellie passed away, my perspective on life has definitely changed. You might have heard me say YOLO once or twice. And while at 1 time that was a trendy phrase, it guides me through my day. And as I think about this week, I have been able to do many things that I love. And actually as I think about it, it is bold week with Camp Gladiator and I haven’t worked out all week. I just didn’t feel like I have the capacity to but I do look forward to getting back into it next week. That is definitely one of the things I love… and hate.
So interesting story about this week. Our family has been attending the Oaks Church in Red Oak, and while we have not committed to this church as our new church home, we have committed to it for a 6 week study that they are leading by John Maxwell called Today Matters. So the pastor at the church is Pastor Scott Wilson, and for my gypsy couch surfing this week we spent Wednesday night with the amazing Brown family. They invited us to their 1st Wednesday service at their church. And as Angel was telling me about what was happening that evening she told me that Pastor Scott Wilson from the Oaks Church would be speaking. As I read the text I was a little bit confused knowing that he is our pastor from the church were are currently attending. As I asked more questions, for this 1st Wednesday event they have different speakers come through and speak at their church, and pastor Scott Wilson had never spoken at their church for this event. So I don’t know what it means, but there is something very intriguing about the fact that I’ve never spent a Wednesday evening in rockwall overnight and the one that we did happen to, our Pastor from Red Oak Texas was in rockwall Texas. This gypsy girl was amazed. It was wonderful to catch up with friends from elementary and high school in their home.
Then Thursday night, we attended a Hope Kids event date night in Southlake Texas at a place called Taste Buds kitchen. Taught us how to make sushi and dumplings. It was a wonderful time and we are so very thankful for this group HOPEKids. I remember 1st learning about them in Ellie’s oncology doctors office. There were signs in each patient room. The signs would list the events for the month, and it would say something to the effect of that it was a group for children with life threatening conditions. In the beginning I was always torn as I looked at those signs. As many of you know I am a social person and love any events. Part of me wanted to be able to take advantage of some fun times, and then the other part of me wondered if our Ellie grace was in the category of life threatening condition. What a dilemma we had. So many mixed emotions with that, and then over time as Ellie’s illness progressed, we did in fact have our very own HopeKid. That’s what they call the child that qualifies the family for being part of the Hope Kids family. That damn word hope. We hung on to Hope! Hope that Ellie would be cured, hope that she would live with us forever on this Earth while we were here, and so many other hopes. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that we are still a part of the Hope Kids family, even after our sweet Hope Kid is no longer with us earth after losing her life tp that same life threatening illness that took her life. Our HopKid Ellie actually never got to attend a single hope kids event because of her illness. With so many mixed emotions about being part of this family, the love hope and open arms they have received us with, we are so incredibly grateful for. And for the reasons that I have spoken about above, I have not shared much about being part of this family. It was just too hard for me to articulate.
Tonight, we get to see you one of our good friends play in his band and get to catch up with friends and hear awesome music. This morning my commute to work was a little different since Kat stayed with a friend near her school last night, and I drove into work by myself. I got to sleep in a bed without the rush of getting Kat ready for school and there on time. I got to spend more time with Bill before work, and then a car ride listening to the music that I want it to without any request. Sometimes y’all it’s the little things. So as I jammed out to DJ Icey loud and proud in my car, I was reminded of all the love that surrounds me. Also I was reminded that I believe that we should all live out our lives doing the things that we love, because today matters and there is no other moment than now. And I will stress myself out about planning just like the best of them.
So a reminder to live in the moment, live in what you love is just what I needed today. I hope that this encourages you.
Some of my absolute greatest loves…God, which I’m still trying to understand. I love music and sunsets, and there’s nothing quite like a bad a** beat drop.
These3 